Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Consequences Of Un-Following My Blog (And Cake!)

So, I had this whole post worked out about how I lost a follower.

It started out like this:

I don't want to alarm you guys, but one of you was just eaten by a zombie.
I'm not exactly sure which one of you it was, so I'll simply refer to him or her as Follower 13.
You see, I had 13 followers.
...Now I have 12.
Clearly, Follower 13 was attacked and consumed by zombies.

...etc, etc, etc (because why ELSE would someone choose to stop following my blog?)

But now I have a new Follower 13 (hey there!), so this post won't really work.

Still, my heart goes out the family of the OLD Follower 13...losing a loved one in such a manner can't be easy.
But on the bright side, Old Follower 13 is probably still out there, shambling around in search of human flesh, slowly rotting away and being consumed by maggots.

Mazel tov


*****

In other news, my zombie preparedness strategy has hit a small snafu. You see, a crucial fascet of my plan was to exercise regularly so that I could be in tip-top shape when the zombies came. Granted, I haven't blogged much about it, but those of you who know me know that exercise is a pretty standard part of my life anyway, so running to the laptop everytime I did a session on EA Sports Active seemed like a huge waste of resources.

[Sidenote: for those of you wanting to get in shape so you can evade zombies with ease (while looking fantastic in a 2-piece), I highly recommend EA Sports Active for Wii. I'm in decent shape, and it is kicking my ass while keeping me highly motivated. I give EA Sports Active 4 out of 4 zombie heads on a stick]

Unfortunately, I've been recently advised by my doctor to gain some weight.

Now...I don't want you guys to think that I'm one of those big-headed anorexic chicks who looks like a lollipop or anything. Let me assure you that I have a healthy BMI and even a little bit of "junk in the trunk."

However, due to some medical issues, it's been recommended that maybe I gain 5 or 10 pounds. Those of you who used to read my old blog will know why. And to you newcomers, I apologize for the secrecy, but it's a long story and I'm just not really in the mood to go there.

But....

You see my problem.

Exercise = consumption of calories = no weight gain (and possible decrease in BMI)

It's an interesting dilemma, to be sure. While I've never worked out specifically to lose weight, I've also never really been told to gain weight by anyone other than by my husband, who likes a little more "cushion for the pushin'," as it were. But to be told by a doctor (well, 2 doctors, actually) that I should gain a few extra pounds.
Weird.
And, essentially, a prescription to eat cake.
WIN

So no more rigorous exercise for me right now, other than walking and maybe some yoga. Fortunately, according to The Zombie Combat Manual, walking is really all you need to do to escape zombies, provided that you walk faster than 3 mph.

Also, if I gain some weight, I could possibly transition from an Ectocombatant to a Mesocombatant.

You see, Ectocombatants have wiry frames and lean physiques. Their strenghts are speed, stealth and endurance (to which I say "HAH, have you ever seen me try to run more than a mile?!?"), and their liabilities are a lack of strenght and power, and extremely low body fat, which means that when food supplies run low, they'll be the first to suffer.

On the other hand, Mesocombatants have athletic, solid musculature. They have a balanced level of strenght and speed, with a little more padding to spare. According to The Zombie Combat Manual, they are essentially the most likely to succeed in the zombie apocalypse.

So, while I might be losing some strenght and endurance with this new lifestyle, I'll also be storing a bit more adipose tissue that I can use if food becomes scarce.

Would Roger Ma approve? I'm not sure.

All I know is that there's a cake in the fridge with my name on it.

Yanno...Doctor's orders....

2 comments:

  1. Damn it, I'm coming over for pumpkin chili and cookie cake, ASAP. 2 large bowls and extra frosting for you, 1 small bowl and a sliver of cookie for me. What do you think the woman will say when I ask her to decorate the cake with zombies and body parts instead of hearts and roses? I guess as long as I don't ask for colored frosting, it should be ok!

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