Introduction

This all started as a Christmas gift gone horribly, awesomely wrong.

My sister, Emily, bought my husband and I two books for Christmas: The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide to Fighting the Living Dead by Rodger MA, and The Pirate Life: Unleashing Your Inner Buccaneer by John “Ol Chumbucket” Baur and Mark “Cap’n Slappy” Summers. And then Emily, who is lightly employed, at best, and spends enormous quantities of time transporting herself and her cat – a sensitive creature prone to bouts of diarrhea and projectile vomiting – between our mother’s house and mine, promptly took back these books and started reading them herself.

Truly a model of selflessness, this one.

So we were sitting at the kitchen table on January 2nd of this year of our Lord, 2011, and she suddenly said to me, “You know, I should really just start living like a pirate this year. I think it could do me some good.” I of course replied with enthusiasm. I mean why not? She has nothing if not time on her hands and if I may say so myself, carries herself with a bit of swashbuckling panache anyway, so why not explore this side of her personality?

I, on the other hand, am somewhat intense and have been known to shank a bitch when necessary, so it was only a matter of time before she recommended that while she was exploring her pirate side, perhaps I might spend my time preparing for the zombie apocalypse?

And of course we would blog about our experiences, because we are both writers at heart and extremely narcissistic, which lends well to blogging.

So there you have it. While my sister explores puffy sleeves and excessive rum drinking, I will be mastering the art of roundhouse kicking a zombie’s head off.

She pointed out that her lifestyle will be significantly more fun than mine, but I guess that all depends on your definition of fun. Fortunately, I find violence to be cathartic and my ass looks fantastic in camo print.

Thus starts our voyage into a future where the living dead walk the planet in search of brains, and I avoid such creatures with ninja-like stealth and agility. It’s bound to be an interesting ride, so I invite you to come along and perhaps even join me in my preparation for the zombie apocalypse. Because when they come- and they will come - excuse my profanity, but shit will get extremely fucking real.