The Rules, About Me, and a Grilled Cheese Sandwich

So now you're at the point - I'm assuming - where you're thinking to yourself A) this woman undoubtedly should be medicated, and B) I could really go for a grilled cheese sandwich.

Because zombie talk ALWAYS gives one a hankering for a grilled cheese sandwich, no?

And while I can't do much about getting you that grilled cheese sandwich, I can assure you that 2 out of 3 medical professionals* feel that pharmacologic intervention, at this point, is unnecessary.

*one of these medical professionals may or may not be my dog

ONWARD!

The Rules:

For the remainder of the year, I will essentially be preparing for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. For now, preparations for this much-anticipated event will be largely guided by The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide to Fighting the Living Dead by Roger Ma, mostly because it's an awesome book but also becasue my ass is po' and I'm too cheap to purchase additional zombie preparedness guides.

Although I anticipate that much of this preparation will involve physical conditioning, homestead reinforcement, and the development of hand-to-hand combat skillz (yes, with a "z"), it is not entirely out of the realm of possibility that I might include posts about cakes, pies and various pastries. It is no secret that I am a fan of desserts, and I invite you to join me in random bouts of celebration for the glorious substance otherwise known as sugar. For the remainder of the posts, please feel free to point out alternative arrangements or present your OWN ideas on zombie preparedness - as long as your ideas aren't better than mine, because I'm a poor and violent loser who will likely track you down and stab you in the face for your insolence.
No offense, of course.

As a side-note, I would also like to point out that while I am living 2011 in a state of adrenaline-fueled zombie readiness, my sister will be living the glorious life of a pirate. I will post a link to this blog when she develops it, but I don't have it yet, because she's kind of a slacker, which is okay, because I've heard that most pirates were slackers. Still, let it be said for the record that despite her festively piratish dress and regular consumption of rum, she will probably be the FIRST ONE to die in the zombie apocalypse, and there's not a lot I can do about it.

About Me:

While reading this blog, my tone and vernacular will likely cause you to conclude that I am a large, African American male from an impoverished urban area. However, allow me to assure you that despite my liberal use of slang, I am in fact a smallish Caucasian female, happily married in her late 20s, employed as a freelance writer on matters that are not nearly as important (or riveting) as zombie preparedness.

My husband, an extremely tolerant man who bears my ridiculousness with good-natured vexation, will be largely absent from these posts to maintain his good standing within the community.

I have many pets. Two dogs, who will henceforth be referred to as The Professor and Zombie Bait (I feel the names speak for themselves), and two cats, who have been renamed for the purposes of this blog Weapon #1 and Weapon #2, in that I plan on throwing them at any zombies that may enter my domicile. I also have a horse. His name is Mikey, and I feel a pseudo-name is unnecessary. He will be my right-hand man in these trying times; as we speak, he is preparing for the zombie apocalypse by eating, dozing, and pooping.

He and I have a lot in common.

I feel that's enough for one day. Too much information can be overwhelming, and I want each of you as fresh as a f*cking daisy for this zombie preparedness adventure we are about to undertake.

In the meantime, I encourage each and every one of you to consider your own defenses against brain-eating zombies...perhaps while consuming a grilled cheese sandwich.

Lily out.